Star Wars: Empire at War (HOLY SHIT A VIDEO GAME REVIEW) (3/5)

Star Wars, oh how I love thee, if I had to choose between ending world hunger, or Star Wars, I'd pick Star Wars without a second thought. Naturally I had high hopes for a game that literally let you take every Star Wars weapon of war and use it in an actual battle. I must say my hopes were realized.....kinda.


Star Wars: Empire at War is an RTS or Real Time Strategy game. You get to control either the Rebels or the Empire and wage war in Campaign, Galactic Conquest or Skirmish modes. There are two battle types, space or land battles. A multiplayer mode is thrown in but the servers and process to create an account are worse then getting raped by a large metal rod covered in sandpaper. I found the game worth they buy even if it was a little dissapointing.

Graphics: The games graphics aren't bad but they aren't good. You can tell each unit apart without much difficulty and nothing looks super ugly. My main praise for the graphics however is a sort of "cinematic mode". Basically you press it and the game takes you through a bunch of different angles and camera shots to make it feel as if the battle going on is a movie instead of a game. It's a lot of fun to play around with, but it doesn't let you control your forces, so unless you are guaranteed to win I wouldn't recommend turning it on.

Sound: Simply put I love the sound in this game, I love the sound almost as much as Canadians love killing baby seals Japanese love killing whales.Many sound clips are taken directly from the movies so expect all your favorite laser whooshing and lightsaber noises to be included. The music is straight from the movies as well as the voices. I really don't have much more to say except prepare to enjoy listening to what you are about to play. In fact turn it up really loud so I can bang your sister while you are distracted you can enjoy it's full glory.

Gameplay: Here is the thing about the gameplay, for the space battles its a blast, its fast paced, fun, and nothing is more exciting then 4v4 with cruisers, and fighters all zooming about causing havoc and generally tearing shit up. The ground...is...well...it sucks. Like really bad...like a 5 dollar hooker. The ground combat is slow, it takes forever, and attacking against a defending opponent is nigh impossible. The other unfortunate aspect about this game is population limit, especially in space battles, you will max at your allowed units at about 4 Capitol Ships. Which really really really makes the space battles less epic. Notice how I said 4v4 above, that's because 4v4 allows 4 people to fight against 4 people thus introducing many more ships to the playable field. 1v1 is cool to learn the game but it really takes away an epic feel to the battles.

Multiplayer: It sucks don't even bother

Summary: Star Wars: Empire at War is worth the purchase, especially if you are an RTS fan or a Star Wars fan, however some fairly basic flaws keeps the game from becoming a classic, I just wanna mention that there is in fact an expansion, and that expansion takes those simple flaws and makes them really big flaws. So if you want a fun RTS to waste some hours with and sate a Star Wars bloodlust (recommended for those who beat passersby to death with plastic light sabers like I do without my weekly fix) buy this game, in fact here is a link to buy it so you can go do it....like now...RIGHT FUCKING NOW

Rating: THREE dead baby seals out of FIVE (3/5)